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Twenty Seven years ago I was on fire for the Lord. It was a wonderful time, and God blessed me beyond measure. A sure knowledge that I was saved fueled within me boldness and zeal to reach those snared in sin for Christ. I sold everything I had, and I bought a camper. With the camper parked by a small lake, I painted the name “JESUS” across the side of it in big, bold, capital letters. In front of that camper I would preach the Gospel on street corners and parking lots. It hadn't always been that way. There was the first time I became lost.
I had been raised in a Christian home by Christian parents, but at the age of sixteen I decided that church was all full of hypocrites. I went after fleshly fulfillment and what I could find in the world. I wanted to find something real... something to believe in. I got lost.
Then one day, a Mormon man shared the message of Joseph Smith to me and told me about the lost tribe of Israel. I bought the lie hook, line, and sinker. I had always wondered where God came from, and the LDS had an answer. After further study, I found out they boasted of more answers. They had other scriptures too. I delved into their doctrine hungry to learn as much as I could. Eventually, I joined the LDS Church and professed their faith.
However, I continued to study. The same open mindedness that allowed me to consider their assertions left me open for the possibility that they could be wrong too. When I discovered more profoundly disturbing doctrines, e.g., the Mormon belief regarding the inception of Jesus, I began to question the truthfulness of the whole religion. After withdrawing from the church, I was alone. You see, as a Mormon, I declared that the LDS Church was the only true church. Now that I believed their church was founded on lies, and all other churches were a part of “the apostasy,” I was out in the cold with no hope.
I bought a new Bible with no notes in it at all, and I began to study the Word to find what the Word said for itself. Not what my parents said or the LDS said, but what the Bible said. Through my personal studies, I discovered Jesus for myself. I wanted to tell everyone about the Jesus I had found in the Bible. That's when I got on fire for the Lord. That's when I purchased the camper.
It was 1984. I was married. We had two small children, and we were living in a camper. I was open-air preaching to whom ever would listen. If no one was there, I'd just preach any way. We wanted for nothing. All of our needs were taken care of. I knew God was behind the ministry, and I could feel the warmth of being in His will. There was persecution. There were those that sneered and laughed and cussed as they drove by, but I was serving Jesus.
Unfortunately, my wife grew weary of the road. She was concerned about raising the boys in this situation and under theses circumstances. Looking back on it, I can completely understand her reservations as a mother. She laid down a line and said it was the road or her. She said I had gone crazy. It was crazy to do what we were doing, she said. I had to make a choice. So, I tried to do the right thing. I left the ministry. I sold the camper and used the money to make a down payment on a trailer home. I wanted to save my marriage, but I damaged my relationship with God.
Two weeks later, after the dust settled, I sat down outside with my Bible to read. I hadn't read it the entire two weeks since leaving the road. That wasn't like me at all. I let the book fall open to wherever fate would lead me to read. I looked down at the page and the verse that came to my attention was Luke 9:62, “And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.” Shutting my Bible quickly I shrugged off the fear and thinking that it was just a bad coincidence. I hadn't left my work in the fields due to laziness. I simply didn't want to loose my wife. I didn't want to loose my sons. Comforted slightly by my own justifications for what I had done, I reopened the Bible once more to read. The Bible fell open to Matthew 10:37, “He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”
The devil dowsed me in condemnation. I felt forsaken by God. Isn't that incredible? The Lord was only convicting me and calling me to repentance, but the devil was condemning me and calling me into rebellion. I had been preaching only a couple of weeks before that God saves. He loves us, and He will never leave us nor forsake us. I understood the Gospel message. I had been preaching it. Yet here in the aftermath of my own bad choice, somehow I didn't apply it to my own life. All of a sudden, it was as if I had eaten the forbidden fruit, and I wanted to hide from God in my self loathing. Feeling unworthy of Him and unfit for the kingdom, I was again out in the spiritual cold. I had forsaken every church, and now I was not only churchless but I believed God had forsaken me. With no church and no God, I began to wander in the wilderness seeking comfort and solace and a way to mask my loneliness and hurt. I didn't pray. I didn't read my Bible either. I had closed it that day, and when I did I closed a chapter in my life.
Well, the marriage I tried to save fell apart. We had one more child together, but nothing could bring us back into unity. We ended up divorcing, and now I had no God, no church, and no wife. My home was broken, and so was my life. It was a slow decent into sin, but a sinner I became. I developed an addiction to smoking. My speech was profane. I became bitter and worldly, and I wanted to do something different. I wanted to make a change in my life. So, I decided to go to College.
I began attending college courses at the University of Nebraska at Kearney. At UNK I met another woman. I was in no shape emotionally or spiritually to start another family, but I didn't think that way in my depraved thought life. Instead I went headlong into the new relationship “looking for love in all the wrong places.” We got married, and we pretended to be good people. But we fought all the time. We cheated on each other. We partied and flirted and caused trouble for ourselves. We had a daughter together, and still we fought. Only now it got worse. Eventually, we didn't even talk to each other any more except when we absolutely needed to ...or to fight. We grew to despise each other. The marriage lasted ten years. Eight of the ten years were awful, and we were happy to divorce.
It was then that I met my wife Rhonda. We fought worse than my second wife and I did. We sinned more too. It seemed as though I was still fighting my ex-wife, and she was still fighting her ex-husband. We were both lost and both in need of Christ. However, Rhonda, all of a sudden and out of no where, decided she wanted to go to church. She told me of her desire. Well, I can tell you, I wanted no part of it. I had not told her of my Christian past. When she persisted on my going with her to church, I revealed to her my rational for not going. She took our son and went without me anyway.
I hadn't read my Bible in over twenty years. That time I felt condemned sitting in my lawn chair was the last time I had opened it. She came home and asked me a question based on what she had heard at church. Now, I had studied the Bible and heard countless sermons throughout my entire youth. What she asked me about was a definite doctrine of many churches. I confidently affirmed what she had heard was true. She asked me where it was in the Bible. I told her I couldn't remember. She insisted that I find it. I went to look. After much study, I remembered my Strong's. I got it out, but the doctrine couldn't be supported. The verse I was thinking of simply wasn't there. I told her my finding, and she respected my honesty and effort. She went another Sunday to church. What are the chances that she would come again and have another question I couldn't answer? But, she did. It happened three times! I knew a lot about the Bible. Why was this happening? It was God.
God was calling me back into relationship with Him. He had been this entire time, but I was too deaf from lust and sin and regret and remorse and anger and bitterness and the like to hear His voice. Now I was back into the Word though. You know what? One can't continue in the Word and stay lost. We started attending some different churches together. One night, in our bedroom, we knelt down at the foot of the bed and gave our lives back to the Lord. Praise God. Thank you Jesus!
Our gracious redeemer welcomed be back with open arms. He wrapped me in a cloak of knowledge again. Everything was restored to me. All my memories from all my studies came rushing back. It was as though there hadn't been twenty some years away from Him. All was forgiven. Even my foolish pride was washed away, and I was home again. Instead of feeling like Adam, I felt like the prodigal's son. He gave me joy and peace and something new. This time He was opening up the Word to me like never before. He was showing me how to apply the Word to my everyday life. Before I only studied doctrine. Now I was learning the Good News in a personal way. I was learning how to change. I was learning how to be a true Christian. I was learning how to follow Jesus.
Then, He called me back into ministry. Only now He led me to teach others what He was teaching me. As I let the Word flow through me, I watched as it not only has transformed my life but many others as well. God is so good. Hallelujah! I work daily in His fields changing lives and growing every day. The Lord had spoken to my heart and prophesied to me that I would pastor a church, and I'm so grateful He has honored me with this awesome calling to pastor the Alice Church of God. What a change! What a God!
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